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I’m studying for my English class and need an explanation.

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hi this is the assignment and there is some announcements about the assignments you might fix to make better

this is after the professor corecect it

You’ve got a nice draft forming here, but I’d like to make some recommendations for revision. The most important thing you need to focus on is restructuring your paper. Right now your paper “leisurely unfolds” in the sense that a lot of space is given to thinking about NGOs and then the Bujagali Dam. Think in terms of compression and focus.

1. Notice that you don’t begin talking about the Bujagali Dam project until halfway through the paper. You want to be talking about NGOs, IRN, AES, and the Bujagali Dam project from the beginning. The idea is to combine all the sets of questions into one seamless narrative.

2. Many of the details about NGOs can be cut or compressed. Make sure everything connects to the Bujagali Dam.

3. Here’s my advice for how to structure your paper.

  • Paragraph 1: Introduction. My advice here is to introduce the Bujagali Dam project as the main topic of interest. Nest the discussion of the role of NGOs into this topic. In a longer paper, we might be able to organize it based on a longer discussion of the role and efficacy of NGOs with the Bujagali Dam project as one case brought forward as evidence. However, in this paper, we have less space: Focus everything on the Bujagali Dam project while answering Prof. Patnaik’s questions about NGOs squarely interpreted through the lens of that case study. In this paragraph, you’ll want to introduce all the context to orient the reader: 1) The history of the debate, 2) some of the particular pieces of information about Uganda, and 3) the tension between NGOs and foreign corporations, specifically IRN and AES.
  • Paragraph 2: Body 1. Discuss the necessity of increasing electrical output, but emphasize the legitimacy of IRN’s concerns. Give some time discussing AES’s efforts, but advance your claim that AES’s efforts were problematic.
  • Paragraph 3: Body 2. Discuss the social impacts. Include more hard evidence.
  • Paragraph 4: Body 3. Discuss the discrepancies. Include more hard evidence.
  • Conclusion.

some of the principles of your ideas from the first half (about NGOs). Cite harder numbers in your analysis and point to specific passages or details in the graphs and charts provided in the case study.

You’ve got a great collection of ideas here — the next stage is to organize, combine, and cite.

Hope that helps! Let me know if you have any further questions

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